Last night my son, my youngest, my baby boy,,, got married, and a myriad of emotions has overwhelmed me. While all my children hold a special place in my heart, there is a unique bond between a mother and her son, her only son. A few years ago I recall him telling me about a girl, a special girl, but I already knew she was ‘special’ because he never talked about any girl before this. He wanted us to meet her, and my heart sank.
I made a lovely dinner, set a lovely table, dressed for the occasion, and…..plotted her demise. While shopping for light bulbs at the local hardware store, I noticed they had a sale on hatchets ..mmm…quick, clean…….no, wait, get a cool, head mom…
Turn the clock back 28 years. I give birth to my 3rd child, a boy, and from the day he was born he won my heart. He had the biggest blue eyes and eye lashes like Bambi. (Ok, he was also a horrific barfer but I learned to overlook that.) He was sweet and sensitive. (He also ate a ton and weighed in like a horse, but I digress….suffice it to say he was a ‘healthy’ boy.) At the age of 4 he had a fascination for Elvis (Presley) and once confided to a local cashier at the grocery store that Elvis was living in our basement – that’s who all the food was for. He fashioned a guitar out of an old frying pan and spent hours lip syncing to old Elvis tunes. I had to make him an Elvis costume for Halloween that year (which I still have) and his cartoon of choice was ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’. He loved to play hockey on the street, followed the garbage truck down the road every week cause he thought it was so cool, and thought Oreo cookies were a gift from God. He also adored his Mama! (and I was ok with that) I was ‘the’ woman in his life.
This kid didn’t ask for much, he was just happy and grateful, to be. Throughout his teenage years he was no trouble, not like many teens can be (we were so lucky) Ok, there was the beer he bought for friends at the age of 16 because he always looked 30. (my kid was the only boy in grade one with hairy legs and sideburns) but we never found out about that until years later thanks to his cohorts in crime (sisters) They all covered for each other – they had a pact.
He was an excellent student, almost to the point of extreme. When other kids were out partying, he was in studying, and I worried that he was burning both ends of the candle (or at least becoming a total nerd) but he assured me he was just setting himself up for life (pretty profound for a 16 year old kid) so I stood back and watched, and admired, as he became a remarkable young man. I marveled at his maturity and his sensitivity to others. This was indeed a special human being and I loved that I was the only woman in his life, at least……until she came along.
I knew it before I met her, she was the one. I wanted to hate her ,,, but I couldn’t,,,she was nice, really nice,,,and I could see how much he cared for her. I was losing my baby.
Over the last few years I’ve watched their courtship blossom and while there isn’t as much time for me as there used to be, my baby boy still takes time for his Mama. I won’t let myself feel threatened by this new woman in his life because I know he is capable of so much love and I will not, can not, be replaced in his life, by any one. I have to acknowledge that his marrying and making a life for himself and his new wife is necessary, so I grudgingly pass the torch – I’m just glad he found someone who loves him as much as I do.
Last night, as I watched them take their vows I saw something in their eyes that warmed me – it was love; pure and strong and true. I knew in an instant my position with my baby boy will never be threatened. I was his first love and a mothers love is very different. No woman could ever penetrate the bond between a mother and a son, and no mother could ever, should ever, compete with the love her son has for his wife. This was indeed a special union and instead of dreading it I found myself warmed by it. The love of my sons life is now a daughter to me and I couldn’t be happier. In fact, I feel quite silly for ever contemplating anything untoward, not that I would’ve done anything, of course.
I’ll return the hatchet to the hardware store tomorrow.