Superstitions are irrational beliefs based on consequence and coincidence, arising largely, from ignorance. (according to the dictionary) They instill fear in many causing them to take unnecessary precaution in their day to day lives in order to avoid certain doom…..or maybe they’re just silly outlets for our imagination. In any event, there are any number of ways to tame the message of some of the more common superstitions…..like maybe putting another spin on their meaning.

If your left ear itches it means someone is saying something nice about you. Ergo, the opposite is true if your right ear itches, right? (or maybe you just have really itchy ears) 

If your nose itches, you’re going to kiss a fool (wow, I should have a crater in the centre of my face by now)

If you drop a fork, it means a female visitor, drop a knife, a male visitor. Dropping a spoon means a visitor with gossip (and dropping all three means you’re bloody clumsy and should just give up utensils altogether)

If a single woman sleeps with a piece of wedding cake under her pillow, she will dream of her future husband (would that make him a ‘crummy’ guy? Muhahahaha,,,,get it? Crummy, cake crumbs,,,, I kill me!)

To ensure the birth of a son you must make love with rubber boots on (so what would happen if you made love in socks and sandals…would you just give birth to an old European?)

If you dream of poop it means a financial windfall (hence the expression “he’s rolling in it”)

If you dream of death it’s a sign of a birth, if you dream of birth, it’s a sign of death. (does this mean you’re dyslexic?)

If you use the same pen to take a test that you used for studying for the test, the pen will remember the answers. (especially if you used it to write them in your palms)

A swan’s feather, sewed into the husband’s pillow, will ensure fidelity. (especially if he’s allergic to feathers and his face swells up – who’d want him?)

If you bite your tongue while eating, it is because you have recently told a lie (I knew it! My husband bit his tongue twice at dinner last night – gonna smack that lying SOB as soon as he gets home)

Put salt on the doorstep of a new house and no evil can enter. (it also wards off the neighbourhood cats and corrodes your doormat)

Three seagulls flying together, directly overhead, are a warning of death soon to come (it could also mean the imminent onslaught of bird poop)

If a bee enters your home, it’s a sign that you will soon have a visitor. If you kill the bee, you will have bad luck, or the visitor will be unpleasant. (if you don’t kill the bee, it will likely sting you and that’s just stupid,,,,kill the bee already)

Seeing an ambulance is very unlucky unless you pinch your nose and hold your breath until you see a black or a brown dog. (or pass out, whichever comes first and then you’d better hope that ambulance sticks around)

I guess it all comes down to perspective. If you buy in to the whole doom and gloom scenario then by all means take precaution when faced with a superstitious situation, but that kind of vigilance requires 24/7 energy and it’s exhausting and stressful. Better to stay positive with your outlook; see the light side of anything. Have you ever actually met anyone who suffered from ignoring a superstition? What’s the worst that could happen? You end up with a cheating fool of a husband, itchy ears, a bed full of crumbs, a house full of bees, ambulances circling the neighbourhood and a flock of birds with IBS just waiting for you to leave the house without a hat on…..yup, that’s better!

superstitions

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